Feel like chasing a goose?

Laura, in NYC, NY, emailed to ask us about a way to remember the difference between lose and loose. "How do you remember, between 'lose' and 'loose,' which one sounds like it has a 'z'?"

Here's a way:

You can let loose a goose, but don't lose your shoes chasing it!

Maybe that doesn't help with the "z" sound too much, but it does emphasize the difference in "o" sounds.
Plus it's funny to imagine chasing a goose...

(Photo courtesy of Mark Mitchell, Atlanta, GA)

Bring it on!

Kathee in Seattle wonders about the uses of "bring" and "take." See what you think:

Carla: Fido! Bad dog! Bring my new Coach purse over here right now! Take that out of your mouth! C'mon boy, bring it to me!
Fido stops to consider...then continues chewing happily on the expensive leather strap.
Carla (panicking): C'mon, Fido, bring it to me! It's okay; I won't take it from you. Just bring it over here. I promise I won't take it.
Fido still "thinking" (do dogs think?).
Carla: Here, Fido; take this biscuit. Just bring the bag to me, and you can take this biscuit, this bone...anything! Please! Just bring me my bag!
Fido picks up the bag and takes it across the room, away from all the yelling.
Carla (desperate): Here, take my double cheeseburger, take my...
Fido sees his opportunity and decides not to take any chances that she'll change her mind. He brings her the purse and takes off with the whole bag of fast food: VICTORY. Dumb dog? I think not.

Got it? Just remember: bring to, take from.

Question: Affect or Effect?

We have our first email question. This is from Robin in Syracuse, NY:

"How about effect and affect? I am often confused and see the same confusion in my students’ papers. Even when I try to clarify that affect is acting on and effect is the result of."

Great question. These are tricky. The best way to remember the difference is to remember the part of speech for these words.

Affect is a verb. It describes an action, specifically the act of producing a change or influencing. So, for instance, Jane affected (influenced) her husband's outfit by saying the shirt and pants did not match.

Effect is primarily a noun. It is a thing. It usually means result. The effect (result) of Jane's comment was that her husband changed his pants.

Just to make matters worse, effect can also be a verb. In this form, effect means to bring about. This usage is less common. The company effected (brought about) new rules for drug safety policies.

The way I usually tell my students to remember is if you can subsitute in "influence" you want affect, and if you can substitute in "result" you want effect.

Daniele, do you have any handy tricks for this one?

A funny joke...

I seem to be stuck on punctuation these days. I was just reminded of a joke/forward that goes around from time to time. I'm not sure of its original source.
It goes something like this:

A college professor wrote a sentence on the blackboard with no punctuation. It looked like this:

Woman without her man is nothing

The professor then asked two students to punctuate it. The first student was male, and he did this:

Woman, without her man, is nothing.

The second student was female, and punctuated it this way:

Woman: without her, man is nothing.

Isn't it funny what a difference a punctuation mark makes?

Teach your children well...but not too well!

Okay, I admit it. There's one grammar error I make all the time when I'm talking...so in the spirit of full disclosure, here you have it. When my not-yet-three-and-a-half-year-old corrected me recently, though, I decided never to make this mistake (or any other, for that matter; how can I win "Mother of the Year" if I keep making mistakes?) again. I swear I am not making this up.

Here's how the conversation went:

I said something to my son about his mattress...

3-year-old: What's a mattress?
Me: That's the thing on top of your bed, you know, the part you lay on.
3-year-old: You mean the part I lie on?
What I wanted to say: You little...how dare you correct your mother?...don't you know I'm never wrong?

But alas and alack, I was wrong. So here it is, straight from the legendary Strunk and White (if you don't know who they are, see "Recommended Reading" to the right; you need to know these guys!):

Lay: A transitive verb [...] do not misuse it for
the intransitive lie. The hen, or the play, lays an egg;
the llama lies down. The playwright went home and lay
down.

lie; lay; lain; lying
lay; laid; laid; laying. (51)

Got it? I didn't think so. So here it is in lay terms (no pun intended...okay, maybe I did intend it) from another great resource, Woe Is I, by Patricia T. O'Connor (complete citation in sidebar):

lay/lie. To lay is to place something; there's always a "something" that's being placed. To lie is to recline. If you're not feeling well, lay your tools aside and lie down. (102)

Lie (to recline): She lies quietly. Last night, she lay quietly. For years, she has lain quietly.
Lay (to place): She lays it there. Yesterday she laid it there. Many times she has laid it there. (When lay means "to place," it's always followed by an object, the
thing being placed.). (64)

The things we can learn from our children...little know-it-alls.

How many items?

Here's your next quick grammar lesson:

Can't remember how to use the words fewer and less? Just remember that most grocery stores have it backwards, and you'll never forget again. Use fewer for countable items, less for non-countable quantities.

The express lane--"Ten Items or Less"--then, has got it all wrong. Can you count the items in your cart? Then use fewer. You have fewer items than the guy behind you does. But how much milk is in that quart you're buying? Less than is in a gallon jug. Can you count the milk? No, so use less.

Cashier: Ma'am, I'm afraid you don't have less than ten items.
You: Pardon me, but don't you mean fewer?
Cashier: Excuse me? Ma'am, this is the express line; you can't use this line unless you have less than ten items.
You: But you should say fewer...see, I can count my items, so you should use fewer and not less...
Cashier: Apparently, you can't count them! You have twelve!

Got it? I wouldn't recommend arguing about it with your cashier, though...

Breaking News....

I just heard this story this morning on NPR. Ever heard of a fast food restaurant suing a dictionary? As Daniele said when she heard about the story, "What is this world coming to?"
Here is a blurb from NPR's website, www.npr.org:

Morning Edition, March 21, 2007 ·
It's one thing to have your brand name go generic: Kleenex for tissues, Xerox for copies. It's another when it's generic for something the company finds derogatory. Which explains McDonald's current fight over [the word] "McJob" and its negative connotations ([ McJob is defined as a] low-paying, dead-end [job]). The fast-food franchise wants the Oxford English Dictionary — the last word on words — to delete "McJob."

*Statements in brackets are mine, and are not original to the website.

Oh my.

Need to take an English class?

If you don't find these actual student errors from actual student essays funny, you might want to consider it...

Students summarizing what they have learned in a grammar and basic composition course:

• "Now I know that subjects and verbs always needs to agree." Is that so?
• "In class I have learn lots and lots of grammer. Writing is something else that I done." Apparently not enough of it, I guess.
• "I've learned a lot of grammar. For example, I've learned that instead of saying, 'I had my hair done,' I should say, 'I had my hair did.'" Oh, dear...
• "I have improved my skills using commas and apostrophe's." (Don't get this one? See the posting below entitled, "Say what?".)
• "But the one thing that's very clear to me now, is using commas in the correct places." Don't be so sure.

And people wonder what inspires us to keep teaching English...obviously, someone's got to do it!

A Reason to Know your Punctuation Rules...

Here's a news article from npr.org about a case that made headlines last fall. It gives us a really good reason to know our comma rules. In this case, a misplaced comma could cost a company one million dollars!

Million-Dollar Comma May Aid Canadian Company

All Things Considered, October 25, 2006 · A contract dispute in Canada centers on what's being called a million-dollar comma. Canada's telecommunications regulator has decided that a misplaced comma in a contract concerning telephone poles will allow a company to save an estimated $2 million (Canadian).

The current exchange rate is around 88 cents (U.S.) on the Canadian dollar.

The contract between cable company Rogers Communications and telephone company Bell Aliant allowed Rogers to use Bell Aliant's telephone poles. Bell Aliant sought to get out of the deal.

Canada's telecommunications regulator said the case hinged on the placement of the second comma in this clause:

"This agreement shall be effective from the date it is made and shall continue in force for a period of five (5) years from the date it is made, and thereafter for successive five (5) year terms, unless and until terminated by one year prior notice in writing by either party."

Rogers had insisted the contract was good for at least five years; Aliant said the comma denotes that the deal can be terminated at five years -- or before, as long as one year's notice is given.

The ruling commission said that the comma should have been omitted if the contract was meant to last five years in its shortest term.

The case is now being appealed; Rogers claims that in its French version, the contract has a different statement clarifying the point.

Say what?

Quick grammar lesson:
Apostrophes - used to make contractions (like I'm, you're, don't) and to make things possessive, that is, show ownership (like John's raincoat, or the house's broken shutters)

Here are some funny signs I've seen with some serious apostrophe errors:

Posted along a state highway (I'll leave the state unnamed)

"Take a Break
Stay Awake
For Safety Sake"

Umm....do you mean Safety's Sake? Big oops.

A sign at a local mechanic's shop:

"We Love
4 Wheel Drive's
SUV's
Jeep's"

What, exactly, do all of those vehicles own?


And finally, a national television commercial for a fastfood restaurant (name omitted):

"Our drive thru's are now open late"

Again, are the drive thrus owning something?

Too funny!